I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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