he puts the penis in happiness.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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