So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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