Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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