How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
