I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
