I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
