i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
