I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
