I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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