I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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