How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
