I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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