JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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