found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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