someone threw a dead crab at me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
