also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
