Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
