I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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