I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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