we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
