she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
