quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
