My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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