So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
