and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We talked him into tasing himself.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
