Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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