Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
