is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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