It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
