I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
