I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
