my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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