Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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