I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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