How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
