Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
