Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
