K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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