i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
