I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
