Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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