Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
