I feel great
I just peed on a car
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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