she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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