my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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