I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
