Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
