I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
