We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
