Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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