the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
