Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
