Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
