he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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