umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
