I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
