Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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