I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
