He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
