Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
