come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
