I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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